SAVAGE LOVE[03.25.10]
Q: The basics of my life: I'm male, straight, in my mid-20s; I have a twin sister and have been with my girlfriend for three years. I want to break up with my girlfriend for a variety of reasons. I have begun the "it's not working for me anymore" conversation four times. But each time I do, she brings up different sexual fantasies I have confided in her during our relationship. I believe the implication is that if I break up with her, she'll tell people about my fantasies—one in particular.
AND THAT CANNOT HAPPEN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!!
The fantasy I am most worried about her revealing is incestuous in nature. When I was about 15, I—on occasion—used mental images of my sister to get off. I never had any romantic or sexual feelings toward her in real life—I was never attracted to her when she was physically present—and once I started sleeping with real girls, my fantasies about my sister ceased. One time, my girlfriend and I got stoned and discussed our most outrageous sexual fantasies; our relationship was different then, more trusting, and I told her about this stuff. I want out of the relationship, but I am terrified of what would happen if she told people, especially my sister. How can I exit this relationship, and how can I contain the damage if she decides to tell people my secret? And is it fucked up that I used to masturbate to thoughts about my twin?
Freaking Fucked Or Fucking Freak?
A: I wish my boyfriend were as easy to manipulate as you are—Jesus, the shit I could get away with.
Anyway, dumbfuck, unless you put your most outrageous sexual fantasies in writing—and you didn't—you're not the one in danger here. Here's what you do: Spend a week in front of a mirror perfecting a look of stunned incredulity, and then go break things off with your girlfriend. Make sure the actual split is big and messy and public. If she attempts to retaliate by telling people about your no-longer- operative sexual fantasies, FFOFF, you slap that look of stunned incredulity on your face and say, "I knew we had a bad breakup, but, my God, what kind of sick piece of shit makes up something like that?"
And yeah, FFOFF, masturbating to thoughts of a sibling is a little fucked-up. But it's not uncommon for teenagers to fantasize about—and, in some disturbing instances, to actualize all over—their siblings. Sex seems scary and new, siblings seem safe and familiar. For most people, early and inappropriate fantasies quickly subside, as they did for you, and most people have the good sense to stuff 'em down the memory hole.
TOP TEN BREAKUPS FROM HELL
